Starting out as friends and transitioning into the love zone is the ideal development of a respectful and long-term commitment. Right?
Do you believe in these sayings?
Does this sound familiar? “Girl how did you hook such a good man like he?” “Girl, among other things I make his toes curl (Lol)!”
Have you and a friend ever had issues, fell out, or “stop doing one another” because you or your friend became more involved with an intimate relationship? Perhaps even became engaged? Or better still married?
Did some of the arguments sound like this? “You changed girl!” “You let MR. change you and now you don’t know your friends no more!”
Sounds like shade more than concern. People are concerned more about the change in their routine than the positive change in yours that can lead to the building of an empire if the two who are in love, focus more on building than hanging on to others.
As stated in my recent book, “The Seven Principles for Allowing the Man of Your Dreams to Find You? many of the issued that people experience in relationships (friendships, professional, or whatever) are rooted in uncommunicated and unrealistic expectations.
TRUE OR FALS?
People tend to focus on their needs as first priority. Heck, why wouldn’t I be more concerned about myself than others, Right?
Well, as the moral of many children’s stories teach, we [ALL people] really only thrive in life when we do for others more than ourselves. “The Circle of Life” theory dictates that as I focused on others, someone else is focused on me. Thus the circle of giving continues.
The same Principle works in adult relationships. When we give more than we take, we receive tenfold in return. Unfortunately, we tend to disassociate fundamental principles from our growth or lack thereof.
The popular example of this type of relationship disconnection on recent TV is Phaedra Parks and Candi Burris from The Real Housewives of Atlanta on the Bravo Network. Last season, Phaedra began to admit on camera that the relationship between her and Candi wasn’t the same due to Candi’s lack of communication and connection since Phaedra’s recent marital issues all while Kandi’s family’s life was changing due to her prenuptial plans.
Kandi discovered through one of the most unlikely co-stars to both of the friends, that Phaedra has expressed some kind of disappointment in her friend Kandi with this person. The unlikely co-star was original Reality Queen turned actress Nene Leaks, who tried to clarify during the reunion show last year that Padre had not betrayed Kandi by talking about her.
TRUE OR FALSE?
So does the fact that Mrs. Leaks made it a point to advise Kandi last year as she was inviting all of the ladies to a group therapy session, that she had some things to work out with Phaedra; provided the implications that some sort of communications had transpired between she and Phaedra regarding the riff. Despite the understandable fact that the pair connected and shared due to a common life altering event such as a separation and divorce. Did this need of Phaedra to seek understanding from a familiar ear, negate the fact that more was shared that probably should not have been?
To continue the description, upon learning that there existed such an issue from an unlikely third party, Kandi went to Phaedra to discuss the issue. On television, Phaedra and Candi appeared to have identified that an issue existed and then settled it. Yet, later that season, Phaedra continue to display as well as to admit that a problem continued. And gabby n in the current season, Phaedra continues to express hurt by blaming Kandi for not providing the support that she expected. But did she ever really communicate those expectations to Kandi?
And during the confrontations among the two friends, did Kandi address her concerns effectively?
There are several questions to examine in this dynamic that were disregarded, either intentionally or not.
POSSIBLE PRINCIPLES TO APPLY
Try to examine how you treat others and how you respond as well. But more importantly, be patient with yourself and others. We are all part of a process.
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I have been LIVING SINGLE all of my adult life. I believe in WAITING ON THE LORD. It is not easy nor fun sometimes, but I shall be STRONG and allow my HEART TO BE ENCOURAGE as I wait.
Many successful couples testify of the value of waiting and of the truthfulness that victory will come. Yet, few are eager to show their painful journey while they're still waiting.
Here I want to share my thoughts and discoveries as I sit still and let the work in me happen while I am waiting.